We all have one or two of those hilarious “this one time when” stories, but few things can beat the trump card of having Indian sex stories mortifying enough that your ancestors feel the pain.
There’s something we all love about a cringeworthy sex faux pas, maybe we can identify, and maybe we’re just happy it’s not us. We asked six Indian women to share their most horrifying steamy secrets, these 6 Indian sex stories will not disappoint.
Hot and Heavy
“One of my worst Indian sex stories is when one night, I was cooking dinner for my fiance and his family, I had just gotten a new, much spicier recipe to try as my husband to be likes his curry REALLY hot. I picked up green cayenne at the market along with everything else I needed for the dinner. I came home and started to prepare the dinner, when my fiance surprised me by coming over earlier, before anyone else had gotten there. He looked really handsome and had brought me flowers, and stood behind me to kiss my neck while I cooked… things got pretty sexy after that, and I undid his trousers to give him a bit of a massage before everyone showed up, but forgot to wash the pepper off of my hands. About one minute into me placing my hands all over his manhood, he began screaming as the chili oil seeped into his skin. He was able to calm the pain by soaking himself in milk, but he was still in the bathroom when his parents showed up, blaming his absence on a questionable lunch he had had earlier.”Pari, 23
Ben wa What?!
“I moved to America with my family when I was very little, so I grew up without most of the strict rules about marriage and sexual partners – my parents were still more lax than most, but if they had any idea what I got up to in college I would have been murdered! I don’t know if this technically counts as one of your Indian sex stories, but I’m Indian and this is my absolute worst sex story, so I had gone away for a wild party weekend at another school. There was lots of drink and parting and casual, kinky sex among us all. At one point, this really sexy guy convinced me to try out ben wa balls, which are essentially large anal beads. They were amazing and I ended up playing with the cheap disposable set I had bought all weekend long. Days later I was finally on my way home, I had had a great time, but I was exhausted and pretty well hung over, so it was no surprise that on the train ride back to my campus, I felt constipated. I didn’t really think about it until a day later when I still hadn’t moved anything and my stomach started to hurt. I went into the bathroom to give it a try anyhow – and what do I find?? – a ben wa ball that had apparently broken off of the original string. I had completely forgotten about them. Luckily there was enough string to retrieve it, but I have never been more embarrassed in my life.” Ananya, 34
Go for broke
“When I was younger, my boyfriend and I were having some really hot sex in his dorm room. We were going at it pretty hard, and swapping positions regularly. He had just bought a book about traditional Indian sex stories and positions. We had switched from him behind me to where I was on top and I could tell that he was close to cumming and I got really into it and started riding him pretty hard. When I came down for the last time, I realized too late that he wasn’t inside me and came crashing down, full force onto his penis. He screamed bloody murder! I honestly thought I had killed him or something! He immediately mumbled something about needing to pee and got up and left. By the time he came back he was white as a sheet and told me I had to take him to the hospital… It turns out that when I came down on his penis, I broke it. I didn’t even know that could happen!!”Navya, 28
What’s my name again
“When I was in my early 20’s my parents shuffled me to a million suitors. I can’t even count how many dates I went on at their discretion. Anyway, one of the suitors I had met was this incredible guy. He was gorgeous and nice, sexy, tall, and his family was wonderful as well. He and his family didn’t have a ton of money and he was an electrician, so even though I had quite a few dates with him, my parents were still throwing options at me all the time. On one of my dates with the dream guy, things started getting pretty hot and heavy, he started to do this really incredible thing with his mouth, that must have fried my brain because it made me scream “Oh Sai don’t ever stop”…. Except his name wasn’t Sai. That was a name of one of the other suitors my parents had set me up with. To make matters even worse, I was so flustered by calling him by the wrong name, when I went to correct myself, I called him by the wrong name AGAIN. I was absolutely mortified and walked out without saying another word. Needless to say, we didn’t see each other again after that.” Parati, 24
On the Nose
“I have horrendously ticklish feet. My husband knows this and throughout our engagement, he would constantly find ways to poke my feet. So much so, I believe it’s just a reflex now. Shortly after we had just been married, my husband was performing oral sex on me, so he was knelt on the floor, while I was propped up on the edge of our bed. He had his head between my legs and I was really close to cumming and stretched one of my legs over his shoulder. While I was extending my leg, he looked up to prolong the moment and brushed his fingers along the underside of my foot, causing me to jerk back, absolutely crushing his nose with my knee. There was blood everywhere and we couldn’t get it to stop, so I had to drive him to the hospital. The doctors told us that he had broken his nose and asked how it had happened. We were both too embarrassed to answer, so my husband mumbled something about walking into a cabinet. The doctor immediately asked me to leave the room so he could speak with my husband in private. As I was walking away from the room, I heard my husband belly laugh, quickly followed by screams of pain. I rushed back to see if he was okay, and he was in tears he was laughing so hard. The doctor look both amused and concerned for my husbands nose. Apparently, once I left the doctor had asked if I hit my husband…. That’s a story we still laugh about today.” Rajiv, 32
“I think my best embarrassing Indian sex stories are all from when I was younger. Both my boyfriend and I had been moved to the U.K. from India when we were young, so we were pretty much raised in England. We also had started dating when we were 16, so we had been together for a long time by the time he had gotten his own apartment, we were just waiting for him to graduate medical school to get married. I still lived with my parents, but they allowed me to go over to his apartment fairly often because they knew him really well and they adored him. I wanted to surprise him for his 22 birthday. We had been watching “Secret Life of a Call Girl” and I thought it would be so super sexy to just show up at his door in a big coat and some really sexy lingerie. I had it all planned. I had purchased new lingerie- I mean everything- bra, sexy knickers, stocking, even a lace garter belt, high heels, and a really sexy sleek trench coat. I spent all day making my hair and makeup perfect, but I was still so nervous about just showing up at his door, and flashing him my slinky outfit. But being that exposed in public, even for just a second is all part of the fantasy, right? So I show up at his door and ring his bell. I’m so terrified that I close my eyes really hard and the second I hear the door open, I rip open my trench coat, strike a sexy pose and say in my most seductive voice “Happy Birthday Sexy!” For a second I don’t hear anything and open my eyes to find my boyfriends mother. I was so startled that I just stood there – fully exposed and wordless. I think she was just as surprised because it took her a few minutes to say “Farha, cover yourself and get inside so we can talk about this” I have never been more terrified and embarrassed in my life. Even after six years of marriage, I’m sure my mother in law still thinks I’m some heathen sex fiend.” Farha, 30